Friday, 24 September 2010
I didn't mean to be gone from here for so long. The 11th and 12th came and went. We had a happy/sad weekend - playing in the sun and the sand, eating great food and enjoying every second of what we have while being very much aware of what was missing. We were sent some beautiful balloons from a lovely friend and we released the great big butterfly balloon. We watched it float away and we kept watching until we could see it no more. We tried to find it in the big sky, searching and scanning until our eyes hurt. Then there was such an overwhelming sense of loss - no matter how hard we searched, we would never find it again. I often wondered why people released balloons. Now I know.
I wanted to thank you for all for your kindness and your lovely words about our Alice. I think that Jodi encapsulated what all baby lost mothers feel - we just want acknowledgment of the baby or babies we have lost. We don't want to necessarily talk about it every day but when we do, we just want some acknowledgement of the great big awful thing that has happened. So I thank you all for acknowledging Alice and our loss.
I feel a bit like 2 people sometimes, here and in real life. The baby lost mama and then the sewing crafting cooking mama. People must find it odd that I can mix the two parts of my life here. I know how you feel as sometimes I do too. But there are days that I need to write about Alice and there are days that I need to write about danish furniture, pretty fabric, roast carrot soup or the perfect pair of pants.
So I will be back with more recipes and photos of the family and sewing projects and tales of the dog and her ongoing vet bills. And sometimes with posts about how unfair life can be.
Thank you again for your kind words and for being here to 'listen.'