This time 4 weeks ago I was in hospital, in labour. It was all wrong, the wrong year, the wrong month and the wrong thoughts in my mind. I should have been there in late January. I should have been there with a huge tummy and a huge smile. Not this time.
We collected Alice's ashes this week. A little urn in a little velvet box.
I wonder who makes these little urns? And the little white coffins?
I know people who had lost babies during their pregnancy and I know people who have lost their newborn babies. What I didn't know was that there are so many people who have lost babies. Work colleagues, friends of friends, friends of people I have recently met and a frightening number of women who I have found on blogs and websites all over the world.
I wonder how many women that I pass in the street carry this sadness inside? How women have this hole that they can never fill?
I guess it is a lot more than I could ever imagine.