Friday, 3 October 2008

3 weeks...

Its been 3 weeks since Alice Buttons died. 3 weeks and 1 day since she was born.

Today I received the death certificate. The birth certificate hasn't arrived. Death is a priority at the records office.

It arrived registered post. We thought it may have been a gift for Minnie from a grandparent or a forgotten order from Amazon or a returned-to-sender item from my etsy store. As soon as I saw the envelope I knew it was one of two things. Birth or Death - one of the two.

I opened it outside the post office. It was the certificate telling me that she had died. Telling me that she was never married, had no children, had no occupation, lived all her life at the same address, that she had two parents and why she died.

In their haste to get the certificate out, they made a mistake. It has to go back. They have to fix it.

Her birth certificate should arrive next week. I hope it does. For a few days I can look at that one and part of me can ignore the other certificate. I know that it doesn't change anything but it would be nice for them to tell me that she was here with us, a part of our lives, our community and our world before they tell us that she has died and will never be here again.


Claire (ethel loves fred) said...

Oh my, I was popping over to say thanks for your visit. What amazing stregth and courage you have.

I'm so happy you came by my blog, and I found yours.


Jessica said...

Rach- I completely agree.

Anna said...


CurlyPops said...

Sending postive vibes and big hugs your way...

Erna said...

sending all the strength to go on in this harsh time. You're in my prayers.

Jen said...


I know I have nothing to say that will make you feel remotely better, other than I know. Not exactly of course, but enough. We belong to the same club that I wish neither of us knew existed.

You're in my thoughts.


E and T said...

Rach, sending you much love and prayers.

Lots of love

Jackie said...

Oh, Rach. Again, I wish I could reach you from here and hug you and hold you.

Amber said...

So sorry you are feeling these things...noone should have to.

Take care and thank you for your lovely messages on friday.

Take care and love to your family

tiff said...

Will's came in a regular envelope. Just popped in the mail, along with everything else. When I opened it, it was like the world stopped. Also with it came a letter from the hospital, describing in intimate detail why he died. It was awful and I will never forget it. So I can only sit here and nod and cry with you as you go through all of this.

Hugs,my friend.

Poppy and Mei said...

Oh my, Rach.
None of this is fair.
None of it...XXxx

Jo said...

Oh Rach, I am so sorry to learn of your precious baby Alice Buttons. My love and prayers are with you and your family. Jo

Bridge said...

this is an amazing post, you amaze me with your insight and emotion. Motherhood is universal, although I cannot know your pain, I can certainly feel it.
not fair, not fair.